The Inner Journey from Afghanistan to the U.S.
Afghan Evacuee Ahmad Mokhtar Rezaei Talks about Mental Survival and Success
Hi, I’m Alison Peck and this is How We Got Here, a journey through the history of United States immigration law with bulletins from the front lines of today, by a law professor and immigration lawyer.
If you’re not already a subscriber and would like to receive these weekly emails, you can subscribe here.
This week, I want to share a conversation I recently had with Ahmad Mokhtar Rezaei. Mokhtar was part of the evacuation of Afghanistan in August 2021. He spent five days sleeping on a strip of cardboard at Hamid Karzai International Airport while he waited and hoped to be booked for a flight.
Determined not only to improve his own life but to share what he has learned with other young people, Mokhtar recently published a book, How to Turn Failure into Success: Today Is the Day to Start Believing in Yourself. This short volume is a guide to overcoming hard circumstances of any kind. Mokhtar focuses on actionable tips and mindset exercises that anyone can use (and most of us resist doing). For example, I liked his four tips for staying motivated:
· seek out feedback from someone with a positive attitude;
· avoid watching or reading any sad news at the beginning of the day;
· add some novelty to your routine every week, such as making a point to meet someone new; and
· exercise regularly.
In this conversation, Mokhtar talks not only about his outer journey – the reality of the Taliban, leaving his family in Afghanistan, sleeping on that cardboard box. But, like he does in his book, he really shines a light on the inner journey that brought him from Afghanistan to his current home in Wisconsin. Growing up in a country at war, it’s perhaps not surprising that Mokhtar observed many people around him who struggled with mental health, and he was determined to overcome the challenges this presented for his own health and growth. I think Mokhtar’s work contributes on the deepest level to our understanding of How We Got Here.
What motivated you to write a book like this?
The thing that motivated me was a desire to inform teenagers, to provide all the stages of information they need. When I was a teenager, I didn’t have all that information. So this book includes all the necessities they can use to go through development.
How did you learn these things? Was there someone in your life who guided you or some other resource that you had?
I learned from the people who were around me. I saw their different behaviors and it helped me to know how to achieve the things that I wanted. Actually, the thing that helped me most was my relatives’ negative mindset or thoughts toward me. For example, they told me that I am not that capable, that I cannot have a good future. But I think I learned from this. I got into university, I’m teaching, I write books, I have worked on my abilities.
Would you say that you worked harder than other people because of the desire to overcome negative impressions?
Exactly. Their negative impression made me work harder. I wanted to change their minds toward me.
Looking back now, do you think there was something about you as a young person that made them think maybe you would not be successful, or do you think they just had a negative mindset?
It is a common thing in Afghan communities, in Afghan families, to have negative thoughts and impressions toward each other. But if people believe in those negative impressions, it can weaken them and disrupt their development. So I just tried to understand them and just to convey the message that their negative impressions would not change my mindset and my work.
We grew up in a community, in a country, where suicide was common and negative thinking was common for everyone. So I decided to overcome all negative thoughts and impressions. Working through all these negative thoughts and impressions takes lots of effort. You need to go through different steps and levels. So I did my best, I went through all the steps, all the levels to overcome all the negative thinking that there was in me.
In talking about the different levels, do you draw on your experience as a kung fu practitioner?
I did exercise, I worked out, I did sport – it was extremely beneficial, though I had lots of barriers. I was also simply curious about the path. I was trying to find a way, I wanted to find a path to success. So being curious, trying to find that exact path through which you can find success, was another thing that helped me.
When the Afghan government fell to the Taliban 2 years ago, you made a decision to leave on your own. That's a very bold decision to make. What motivated you to make that decision?
I knew about the Taliban, how extremist they are, how they force their beliefs on people. I knew that they are a criminal group. These were the things that made me leave Afghanistan. During the evacuation, I tried many times and eventually I got into Afghanistan’s international airport.
Did you think twice about leaving your family behind? Was that hard?
When I left Afghanistan there was a large crowd of people around the airport, and I got in with a lot of difficulty. But I got in and then I saw the large number of people inside the airport. At the time, I was just thinking about leaving Afghanistan because the situation was critical. When I was about to leave and I had my ticket booked, I called my father and I told him I was leaving Afghanistan. At the time, he just cried. It was the only thing that made me sad.
Do you speak to your family often now? How does your dad feel now about your decision to leave?
Yes. He feels better, he even persuades me that you are doing good, you can have a bright future, you can develop, you can work on yourself, and the United States is much safer than Afghanistan.
I'm curious about that time you talked about, when you were in the airport. In your book there is a picture, a very powerful picture, of the piece of cardboard that you slept on for five days while you waited in the airport, hoping to get on an evacuation flight. What were you thinking or focusing on while you were waiting? Did you feel afraid? How did you keep your mind focused on moving forward?
Those were hard nights for me. I waited there for about five nights. During the night it would get cold and I didn’t have a blanket. Because I didn’t have anything to cover myself, I slept curled up. But one night someone put a plastic on me. When I woke up and I saw that, I thought, who could have done that?
Both now and in the past I believed that if I left Afghanistan, I would have a brighter future and more development, because if I go out I wouldn’t have negative impressions and thoughts around me, so I can be focused and I can work harder and I can have a plan for a bright future.
Were you thinking about that while you were waiting those five nights?
At the time I was mostly thinking about the cold weather, the hard days, the conditions I was in at the moment. Nonetheless I thought that if I would do whatever was necessary to leave Afghanistan. I would work hard. So that is what I did.
That reminds me of something in your book. In Chapter 3, you talk about facing challenges, and you say, when you face challenges, be interested in it like a game. How do you do that at times like you're describing when the challenge is very hard? How do you stay interested in it like a game you are playing?
Yeah I believe that’s right, that’s extremely right. Life and the challenges of life are a game. If you are a good player, you can overcome everything. You can challenge challenges if you play well.
Did you think about that while you were in the airport?
Yes, I thought about it then. Even in kickboxing games, I believe if the player plays cleverly and courteously, they will win and overcome.
In the book, you recommend a lot of habits or exercises for young people to stay positive. So right now in your daily life, are there certain habits or exercises that you make a point to do like every day?
I mentioned lots of useful activities in my book, but the things I’m focusing on now are listening to music; writing the book; and I use sticky notes on which I write down motivational phrases and put them on my wall.
I also have a one-month plan in advance. Even when I was in Afghanistan, I have always had a one-month plan. In the United States you have a much busier life, you have a lot of things to do in your daily life. But I do have a one-month plan here as well; I prioritize the things that are important for me each month.
I have learned new skills here. In Afghanistan I didn’t used to do cleaning and cooking, but since I came to the United States, I learned these skills. I do cooking now, I do cleaning now. I am working on my driving ability, and I hope I will have a car in the future.
So, last question: If a young person, a teenager, came to you and said, I feel very discouraged, but I want to do something to become more successful and positive, what would you tell that young person is the one thing they should focus on?
I would tell them, love yourself, believe in yourself, and succeed!
What one activity or exercise would you recommend?
My suggestion would be to read this book! I would suggest this book because it would give them a picture of life, of success. I would also persuade them work out for 30 minutes every day.
Also, please live alone for a while and get busy with your work and plans. Loneliness makes you find yourself and work hard to build the walls of your life better. People's discouragement often comes from the community or the environment, and living alone gives you a relative path of peace and strength in performance.